This was a post made August 26 on the “Ask the Unicorn” message board at Unicorn Cove.com

Rich Preacher claims he is Jesus

I went to the MSNBC.com to look up a link and I found this man he claimed he is Jesus. I would like your opinion on this man. You may laugh as much as I did.

Response by Ahura Z:

Wow! Cool! Ask him for money!!! And ask him for, uhhh
bread! And OOh, OOOh! We could have Beans! Why is it that Every rich person thinks that Jesus is, or was, or will be rich and on T.V? Its just amazing that there are people that still do that…Oh Well, I guess
if Jesus is rich, that leaves people like us out huh? We’re just, poor talented folk that Really represent what Jesus stood for, We work for a living, making just enough to be broke, Trying hard to be good in a society that guages your worth by how much money that you make. Doing good works whether, or not it gets noticed by the “news” stations who only want to support you if you’re rich, mediocre, and call yourself Jesus! Ya know what? I’m protesting. How DARE he call himself Jesus, when everyone knows that I’m Jesus, and She’s Jesus….And he’s Jesus….and their Jesus….And you’re Jesus…and
Wait!….Is he the Cracked out hells Angel looking Jesus?
Or the Reeaally pathetic, begging wimpy boy Jesus?
Or the The Really smart Jesus, that would’nt come back
and announce that he is Jesus because he knows that
1. Stupid people would probably ask him to take a “secret Jesus test”, and try to KILL him, so that they could see if he really IS immortal, then try to coerce him to be a stupid repubican, or dumocrat, so that they could say that “Jesus is on our side”
2. Nobody really wants him to come back because they know that they have really screwed up their lives, and the lives of others by doing everything that Jesus didnt
want them to do like, Judge everybody that they possibly could that looked different than they do, make up a BUNCH
of religions that had absolutely nothing to do with Jesus,
or what Jesus taught…Killed people, in Jesus’s name( as
if the Son of Almighty God really needs to threaten anybody)..Lied about him, and called his WIFE, a Whore…
Turned him into the ONLY pasty white blue eyed blonde haired pansy boy in the WHOLE of the middle east, and
told people that if they didnt agree with their lie then they would be killed…So the people that started, and support religion know DAMN well that they are not getting into anybody’s heaven, so the last thing that they would let happen is Jesus survive the night! so dont you think that Jesus is smart enought to know better than to announce his arrival through the News? Not to mention that The voice of the son of God, I imagine could be heard by the rocks if he wanted it to,( reference the sermon on the mount)( no microphones), and all around the world.
So if he does come,,, I’m sure that all of us will know, at once… Sorry…sorryy….sorryyy…I’m ranting again arent I..
Heh, heh…I think that if Jesus were smart hed, be a bunch of people, all at once, THAT way you couldnt nail him down…Uuuhhh oops….that didnt come out just right.
Oooooh..Heres a thought…..What if he were BLACK!…
Or FEMALE!!! Wow! a Female Christ!! I think that we should all tell everyone to say that they are Jesus, You
know like in that movie, Malcolm X……I am Malcolm X.
I Am Jesus!!!, and see if it makes this guy mad….I am
Here by Declaring Every Woman that I see to be Jesus!!!
I am hereby declaring Every Man to be Jesus!!! and so
long as you strive to be like him…TRULY like him…
then YOU ALL ARE JESUS…..( I bet the news wont talk about this) Peace to all Jesus’s….Ahura Z. a.k.a. Jesus….